I cannot stress this enough, but I find it deeply disheartening how some women have idolized relationships and marriage to the point where self respect, discernment, and rational judgment become completely eroded.
Attraction and respect are tied to choice and self respect, thus once a man has clearly stated that he has chosen someone else, you should absolutely not beg because the situation is no longer ambiguous. There is no confusion and no mixed signals because he has already made a decision. If anything, you should be relieved you are no longer wasting time on a futile journey.
When someone rejects you and you respond by grovelling or pleading, you signal that you do not believe you have other options or that you are not worth choosing without persuasion. From my experience, that dynamic rarely reverses attraction. If anything, it usually reinforces their decision.
People can be confused about many things, but choosing a partner is one of the clearest behaviors we have, and his actions already answered the question. The only response that preserves dignity and long term leverage is acceptance and withdrawal.
This post author also presented herself as a Christian on her page, which made the contradiction difficult for me to ignore. As a Christian, the only things you should be deeply concerned about are your health, your career, your stability, your purpose, and your relationship with God because those are the things that sustain you as a functional adult. Everything else should be approached as an experience you are open to embracing only if it genuinely adds value to your life.
She also alluded to the fact that she keeps attracting men like this. From my limited experience in life, broken people are often attracted to brokenness because it feels familiar and easier to navigate.
If you have been attracting the same kind of men all your life, then perhaps it is time to recognize that the common denominator is you, take a step back, and reevaluate your standards and values.
Perhaps your tolerance for inconsistency is too high in the name of being understanding. Perhaps you ignore red flags because you desperately want things to work. Whatever it is, if the outcome keeps repeating, then something needs to be reassessed.
I had to learn this myself too, perhaps earlier in life than some women do, but I learned it nonetheless.
Not long ago, I went ahead with an engagement against my better judgment. The warning signs were not subtle. They were loud and clear from the very beginning. I noticed things that did not sit right with me, but I ignored them, and a few months later, I paid for that decision.
That one mistake cost me money, discomfort, and emotional strain, all of which could have been avoided if I had simply trusted my instincts. In my bid to be understanding and complacent, I forgot who I was and allowed someone who should never have had access to me to mishandle me.
That is a pattern I now recognize in many women. The moment you lose your sense of identity, you start becoming desperate to hold onto people or things that should never have had space in your life to begin with.
There is no reason why a message from someone you are merely dating and barely know should throw you into emotional turmoil, yet it happens when you have already projected meaning, expectations, or potential onto them.
As a Christian, your faith should ground you in a way that stabilizes your identity.
Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This does not mean you get everything you want instantly. It means that when your heart is aligned with God, your desires themselves become shaped correctly.
John 14:27 says, “My peace I give you… not as the world gives.” This is the kind of peace every Christian should aspire to. The kind that is not dependent on who stays or leaves and is not withdrawn when situations change.
Colossians 2:10 teaches that you are already whole. That means you should not spend your life behaving as though you are waiting for another person or relationship to complete you.
The minute a person says they have chosen someone else, your only response should be to bid them farewell. The person you deserve should be the one who sees you from day one and continues choosing you every single day after that, until perhaps time changes things, because in the end feelings are not static and even sincere people are still human.
This is where I also find that many so called churches err, because instead of teaching its congregation how to lead lives that are fulfilling and grounded, they often focus on things that do not add tangible value to their lives instead.
There is no reason why you should practice your faith as a Christian and still not feel grounded in your wholeness and autonomy as a human being. Your relationship with your Creator should be internalized, consistent, and trusted more than human validation.
A relationship with God, not your church or your pastor, but an actual relationship with the source, forces hierarchy into your life because it teaches you to choose God’s standards over people’s approval. You become more discerning, more aligned with your intuition, and more capable of walking away the moment you sense misalignment. You become able to reject inconsistency without feeling like you are losing yourself, and relationships then become an addition to your life rather than the foundation of it.
Do not worry excessively about your age either. This is why I always advise women to focus on their careers and build comfortable lives for themselves. Build your stability, and if a time ever comes when you begin to feel pressure about time, you will have the freedom and resources to do whatever you feel to do independently without waiting on anyone.
My friends would say, “Coco, you are young so you don’t understand” but I do not think discernment is strictly about age because anyone can become discerning at any stage of life. In my opinion, the only real tragedy about aging is doing so without wisdom.
So, if you have been fortunate enough to see time in this life, embrace it. Do not allow society make you fearful of aging. Your covenant is with your Creator, not with public opinion. Stay grounded in that and allow God to do what is necessary in your life.
Wear the armor of your experiences like a badge of honor because you deserve to. With age should come wisdom, stability, and depth of character, and it would be a shame to allow society or any person diminish that for you.
Isaiah 46:4 says, “Even to your old age… I am He who will sustain you.” God never promised marriage as a guarantee. He promised sustenance, presence, and care through every stage of life.
Desiring a partner is natural, but your completeness should never depend on one, and the moment you truly understand that, desperation disappears, and so does your attraction to the wrong people.
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