“Remember when you said this could never be you?”
That thought crossed my mind as I sat on a park bench after work, watching people pass by and reflecting on how life has a way of humbling even our strongest certainties.
In that moment, I suddenly remembered the many discussions ten year old me had with my grandmother. I would never see things from her point of view and would always insist that if I found myself in certain situations, I would behave differently. I was convinced my morals were fixed and that certain lines were simply not lines I would ever cross.
She would laugh and say, “Uwa, never say never.”
She told me that with my very limited experience on this earth at the time, I could not be so certain about what I would or would not do in any situation. She said that not many things in life are set in stone, and that when the vicissitudes of life appear, there is no telling how a person might react. Then she would hit me with one of her favorite proverbs:
“What an elder sees while sitting down, a child will never see even while standing.”
It used to irk me so much when she said that because I did not really understand what she meant. Back then it felt like she was dismissing my certainty. I believed I knew myself well enough to say exactly what I would or would not do.
But sitting here now as an adult, it is clear as day what that proverb truly meant.
Back then the younger version of me believed my morals were fixed and immovable. But in my inexperience, I failed to leave room for the difficulty that often comes with adulthood. Some of us grow up in good homes and are raised with the wisdom of the people who brought us into this world, yet despite our upbringing there is still no manual for life. Eventually we step out into the world and must find our own way through it.
When I was young, naive, and comfortable, I underestimated how much hardship, desperation, and even the fear of losing out can influence a person’s choices. As I sit here reflecting, I find myself thinking about all the lines I once said I would never cross, yet somehow I did. Sometimes it was not even out of desperation. Many times it was simply because I was too weak, or too impatient.
The truth is that there is a huge difference between moral ideals and lived reality, and a ten year old and many young adults simply cannot see that yet. I believed I would never cross certain lines because my life had not yet forced me to confront difficult tradeoffs. But as I have accumulated more experiences as an adult, I find that I have moved significantly from judgment to understanding, because I now realize just how complicated circumstances can become.
The shift from youthful certainty to the unpredictability of life has been a humbling one. I have never been someone who judges others for situations I have never experienced, but truly, there is no telling how far someone might go when faced with unimaginable circumstances.
Perhaps that is why my grandmother always said what she did.
Never say never.
Because what an elder sees while sitting down, life will eventually show you when you are standing.
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