Cocomma's Diaries

Anecdotes, truths, and reflections from the heart of an AkwaCross second daughter – about life, identity and everything in between.

about

  • Scarcity Does Not Equal Value for Practicing Christians

    Self-acclaimed prophet, Suleman

    Separating partial truths from biblical truth

    I was scrolling through the web, reading random stuff like I usually do, and I bumped into a video of the self acclaimed apostle stating the above.

    From the first “if” I heard, I knew I was going to be even more disappointed. Nevertheless, I was very disturbed not for myself, but for the impressionable people who may hear that story and run with it, because they do not know better. I felt compelled to leave a comment and explained why I thought that message was a false one for practicing Christians.

    Pushback and Partial Truths

    Needless to say, I was met with a lot of pushback, mostly from people insisting that I did not understand the man or the message. But it was quite the opposite. I understood him very well, which is why his false message irked me a great deal. Partial truth does not excuse falsehood. Just because some bits sound like good advice does not mean you overlook the rest. That is exactly how deception spreads. Even satan quoted scriptures, but out of context. Discernment means separating cultural “wisdom” from gospel truth.

    Why This Is Not Biblical

    What he said may be cultural logic, but it is not biblical truth. In business or social settings, “don’t be everywhere” can be sensible. But in the ministry, a shepherd does not ration presence. The apostles were not scarce, they were among the people daily.

    The pulpit is not for motivational quotes. Once someone stands up as “a man of God” and speaks in the name of God, their words are not just advice, they are teachings. And the scripture says teachings must align with the gospel (2 Timothy 4:2, Titus 1:9).

    Private Life vs Ministry

    I do believe Christians should be cautious in their private lives. It is no doubt wisdom to protect one’s energy. Even Proverbs says, “Seldom set in your neighbours house, too much of you, and they will hate you. But in ministry, it is not about personal brand management. Still, Paul writes in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself.” Surely we should not be everywhere all the time, but to deliberately hold back just to be respected comes from a place of pride, which in itself is not biblical.

    True Ministry is Accessible

    The Bible does not position pastors, prophets, or “men of God” as celebrities who ration their presence to seem more important. Jesus himself was accessible. He sat with tax collectors, ate with sinners, touched lepers, and went where the broken people were. Respect was not something he curated by being scarce, it came naturally from His humility and authority in the truth He preached. 

    We are all called to humility. Respect should be earned by service and Christlike character, not manipulated through scarcity. 

    A pastor is not a celebrity or a businessman. Their “value” is not created through scarcity but by faithfulness, service, and humility.
    The shepherd’s call is availability, (John 10:11). The apostles also modeled on availability, (Acts 2:46, 1 Thessalonians 2:9-12). Thus, rationing therefore equals pride. And if a pastor keeps away just to be valued then that is not wisdom, it is vanity. In personal or social life, anyone can ration presence. But once you put on the mantle of pastor or shepherd, you are called to serve the flock, not manage your brand.

    True ministry makes the Word accessible to all who seek it, not the pastor exclusive. And scarcity may create value in business, but in the Kingdom of God it creates pride, and pride has no place in the pulpit.

  • The Loneliness of Being Understood

    Held by water, unseen by most.

    There is a particular kind of loneliness that comes with being understood. Not because it hurts, but because it happens so rarely.

    I met up with a friend for dinner the other day. We got to speaking about the challenges of relationships, and she mentioned that a major reason her marriage ended in divorce was that they never truly understood each other. To which I asked, ‘From the onset?’ So what then made you decide to want to spend the rest of your lives together? Were you two at the very least compatible you would say? She answered that they were young and in love.

    It immediately took me back to eight-year-old me, arguing with my auntie as she insisted she understood me like the back of her hand and was fully aware of what I was capable of. At the time, the very young me did not have the words to express myself clearly, but I remember telling her that if she understood me so well, then we wouldn’t fight so much. And by “fight,” I mean me getting my behind whooped at every slight provocation. I acknowledge she did know me completely and most probably knew all I was capable of at the time, but knowing someone well does not equate or automatically translate into understanding them.

    And now that I think of it, I can say that in my whole life, only a handful of people have truly understood me. With them, I did not have to perform or explain myself. I could be whole, incomplete, soft, crass, complicated, and even wrong, but still felt safe. There was no judgement, no translation, just presence.

    But that kind of understanding is rare and does not come often. Early on in my life, I used to think it was just me, and perhaps I was just too complicated or difficult to understand. But having travelled, lived, studied, worked, and interacted with many people from various cultures, backgrounds and walks of life, I have come to realize it is a phenomenon that is rather common. And with that in mind, I would argue that the disconnect is not from people being inherently difficult, but from emotional intelligence not being widely nurtured until very recently.

    For me, understanding someone would mean holding space for their vulnerability without needing them to explain everything. It would mean interpreting their silence, tone, or their change in mood, not by guessing, but by knowing what it tends to mean for them specifically.
    To me, in a healthy relationship, understanding should be the fuel for emotional closeness, while compatibility would be the pillar for long-term harmony. But in the absence of both, I cannot understand why people would make a life-altering decision as wanting to marry someone else. I may never understand that, but I do know this: that a large part of why many people struggle to build long, successful relationships is because interpersonal intelligence has often been undervalued even though it is one of the most essential foundations for meaningful human connection.

    Personally, I also believe that if a person with high interpersonal intelligence were to choose a partner they were compatible, and both were given the gift of time, then their chances of building a long-lasting relationship would be significantly higher.

    Nevertheless, I don’t think people go about deliberately not wanting to understand the other person. It just seems as though most people are simply reflecting what the world taught them to notice or lack thereof. Real understanding takes emotional effort, one not everyone knows how to give.

    Understanding is rare, and it is in that rarity that loneliness deepens. But for the lucky few who find it, it feels like home.

  • Where My Thoughts Go to Breathe

    A corner I wish I could write from, always.

    There are moments when I feel like I carry a world of thoughts no one around me hears. Not because I don’t have a voice, but because I rarely find the space or people I want to share it with.

    I grew up differently, and my upbringing and experiences have deeply shaped how I view the world. Not exactly groundbreaking as I’m certain it is most likely the same for most people. Still, it has given me a unique perspective and opinion on most things, one which doesn’t allow my view fit into small talk or casual conversations.

    I’ve always had a strong voice, just not always a verbal one. While I enjoy sharing stories, I’ve never been someone who loves to speak much with most people.

    But writing, writing gives me space. Writing lets me unpack, explore, rant, reflect, and most importantly, express without interruptions and misunderstandings. I am a verbose writer as my thoughts don’t come in fragments. They come in rivers. And I’ve been accused one too many times of wanting to be seen by dragging my point too long on my one and only favourite Nigerian blogger’s post. The only one I follow, I might add, to stay plugged into current Nigerian entertainment update. Nevertheless, it felt right to have this space for myself at this moment to be able to express myself freely.

    Moreover, Instagram has been nice for photos and quick captions, but I found myself holding back a lot. Most people there aren’t really there to read. They scroll, like, and move on. Thus, it makes sense to have a space where I can dig deeper, a space that is mine, where my voice will not get lost in a sea of noise.

    This is why I started this blog, and this is where I’ll speak, write and be.

    Welcome to Cocomma’s Diaries.